I remember someone told me, an old friend of mine, I could do more. Be more. But in this place that I am at right now, in this place that no one knows me, I’m just a nobody. Someone who is just like anyone else. Slowly, that dream of becoming someone is fading away. When I was a little kid, I used to dream of becoming a doctor. No, actually an engineer (unfortunately, later I found out numbers aren’t my thing). Or so, I thought I could be a great teacher.

However, when I went to college, I took development communication, which others often mistook for masscomm. People, alright, some people would ask me what makes it different with masscom. That’s one question I really hate to address. Well, i don’t have to quote some definitions from any book. Oh, please, let’s do away explaining this. I’m tired.

Okay… okay… let’s get back to the track. Yeah, and so I finished my degree in devcomm. I got my majors in development journalism. My parents, my family, my relatives, my friends (or some of my friends) were proud of me. I even graduated with honors. But it did not mean a thing to me.

So right now, in this place where I am at, I’m glad that no one knows me. At least, I don’t have to be that great just because I’d have to to prove that I truly deserve that honor.

See? My point is I’M BECOMING SO PATHETIC… A MEDIOCRE!

I used to dream big. I know I can do more. I know I can do so much more. But it seems that I’m becoming nothing at all.

I remember that piece I used to memorize:

"please hear what I’m not saying… don’t be fooled by me. don’t be fooled by the face I wear. coz I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks. Masks that I’m afraid to take off. And none of them is me… pretending is an art that second nature with me. but don’t believe me… for God’s sake, don’t believe me."

… this is my favorite literary piece. This always reminds me that I should be strong despite some fallbacks. Or should I say, this reminds me to look strong, pretend to be strong in spite of my soul getting torn apart.

I don’t know what lies ahead. What seems to be clear before is becoming less and less lucent. My burning desire to reach my dreams is slowly fading away, turning into ashes, leaving me without anything else.

I know I can be more. I know I can do more. I should not stop believing that dreams can come true (nya… murag kinder… unsa? falling star?).

And so the infamous Gardo said, "cynical of becoming cynical."

I thank you. Bow.