This isn’t exactly a fresh news, but I think it’s worth my time to writing this. Lately, I think for four weeks, I was accepted to working as a temporary training assistant to AOL newly hired agents. Wave 24. Funny to think that I survived AOL, and still is surviving. Originally, I was with Wave 6 for the AOL MRM program. hehe..such a long time, eh? twas back in December 2006. It’s now only me and Hazel that were left behind the original batch.

Going back to me being a TA, twas a worthwhile experience. I met new friends, and most importantly, I’ve proven to myself that I am actually capable of becoming a leader (and a trainer). I enjoyed that time I spent with them bahala na maraming escalations. And to be honest, listening to new agents taking in calls, maglabad jud imo ulo that’s why patience is one huge requirement needed if mgTA ka. I just can’t imagine myself going through that process before, and had been a pain in the neck to our TAs also. But that’s something that was of course, expected. Good thing, the agents I handled were smart, polite and friendly (except for one, you-know-who).

Plus, during the deliberation of who’ll pass the training, I haven’t had problem about defending my team because of all them had done well. That for me was an achievement. There scores were not exactly all about me, but then twas partly mine (syempre, ako kaya ngturo sa kanila. hahaha…conceited)! But seriously, their work plus mine equaled to how much I taught them and how much they’ve taught me.

Basta, now i’m more inspired to work. Not exactly VERY inspired, but at least a bit more motivated to strive for more. I know someday I can be someone better than I am today. I just need to work on it <kapoya oi>.

=== the song I’m listening to while typing this entry ===

IF LOVE IS BLIND by Tiffany

… and also Teardrops in my Guitar song (got that posted under some previous entry)… sawi ba jud sa ako mga kanta dnhe ofis oi. paila lng jud. hahay… lintik na pag-ibig. hehehe…like Ate Joanna said, I’m pathetic! that’s because i’m in love & then was… (kamo na bahala sumpay).

This is my blog. my journal. mine. so whatever you read here are based on my own definitions & thoughts. if you don’t agree, that’s what comments are for. if u really feel u don’t really agree, then shut up. hehehe… martial law eto

i was browsing through my friendster, jz trying to see who’s cared to view my profile. hehe… i saw my sis’ acct. missing home, i checked her acct, see wats new. saw her new pics during last January’s alumni homecoming in our high school.

when i was in 4th year high, my sis was a freshman (back then, long time ago…hahaha…)i knew some of her classmates. looking at there pix, it made me think of my old high school friends (and… umm… classmates?). Ludelle, one of my closest friends in HS, invited me to join the alumni. i texted her twas way too impossible for me to go home to attend the tapok-tapok. i was in cebu, working my ass’s off. taking in calls with all those, as useless, "utok bolinao" customers.

let’s try to spare this article from all those ranting about me working in a call center. hehehe… let’s not spoil the fun.

ok. let’s go back to our alumni night. Ludelle told me that my ex-crush, Mr. Officer Pingul, was also there. Hahaha… i remembered those times. tsk tsk tsk… i remembered how silly i was back then. she told me HE is kinda taba already. i just did not know how taba he is.

but that was before. hmmm… those good old days that i only have to worry about assignments, projects, and some school stuffs. nothing so serious like working to earn. hehe… sweet nostalgia

Nov22,2007 around 9am…

I rcvd a very disappointing news. there’s only one word that’s gonna best describe how I feel ryt now — DAMN! but i know life sucks & shit happens all the time. so blame it to… yeah fine. i give in. i’d have noone else to blame it to but myself. my bad. so what’s the fuzz all about? nothing. i just feel so down. dats all. pera na sana, naging bato pa. dats wat has happend. grrr… i don’t know saan ako pinaglihi ng mama ko bakit late ako palagi. grrr… so stupid!

i almost got dat promotion, but just because of that stupid… oh no, lousy… yeah, lousy reason of being tardy (nalate kog 2-5mins 3x), i lost the chance of getting that BS!

i really am pissed off ryt now. so discouraged. so disappointed. so frustrated. and the person who’s supposed to understand me backed out. hahaha… funny. so much for a relief! wtf!

may pag mubuto! but bottomline is it’s all my fault, and i can’t blame anyone but myself for being damned so stupid and so reckless. i’m disappointed of of self a lot. i dont wanna go to work anymore. hahaha… but i know i’ll get through this. nakaya ko mga problema ko before, so no doubt i can beat this odd. duh! i made mistakes. i make mistakes. i will always make mistakes. i can do this.

< now playing… BIG GIRLS DON"T CRY by fergie> OST

this is one of those…well…amazing days that i feel so good. it only happens once in a…hmm…blue moon?sheesh…twas such a lousy description!boring but very….hmmm…i feel great!i feel so so just fine. murag naka-drugs.hehehe…

anyway, to make it "sabotable" why i feel this way, twas bcoz. grrr.. i’m having a real hard time expressing how i feel.working in a call center, agents really get so lucky if there’s something wrong with the system they’re using coz that wud mean they wont take in calls.mind you, u can try taking in calls even just for a day, i bet ul end up really exhausted.no kidding!

well, actually our program’s working sched got huge changes. no more calls on Sundays (which is ok, but really it doesn’t matter that much to me).and today (Nov4) is the 1st day that the new policy took effect.well, i came in the office 2am, supposed to go home @ 11am but we got a crew brief for slightly more than an hour so i stayed some minutes more in the office.

hmm…my teammates (who actually got different skeds… they got in around 3am, 4am, 5am, watever),they were only on auto-in til 11am?then, no more calls the rest of the shift. twas really a wow! so very light ang atmosphere sa office karon. the reason why i still stayed instead of going home ryt after the meeting.

aux4… log out! keyword to happiness for agents like me. it means no more calls. and it’s a Sunday. thank God it’s Sunday.

shit happens all the time but today’s not of of it. at least. my first time to feel great staying in the office, just staying in the office, doing nothing stressful. not talking to customers. not getting yelled at.

by the way, just met my new teammates. but this week, kingsley, one of my old pal is about to go for his exit. ani jud sa call center, ever changing. people come and go. u gain some, u lose some friends. but what’s important is u get to know more people. it’s the experience that matters, no matter how hard. no matter how it sucks. no matter what.

my life is really an adventure itself. my labyrinth. my odyssey. at ako ang bida

I set my alarm @ 8:40pm (my fon’s clock is 50mins advance by the way so it’s 8:40pm minus 50mins… grrr… i hate numbers!). i got work @ 9pm. I can’t rmbr waking up & turning off the alarm, but may be i did. I woke up many mins after the alarm. 20mins of preparing to go to work. hvnt eaten my dinner. as u know, i don’t like to eat before going to work. it makes me feel lyk i wanna throw up. i went out the compound. twas raining outside. 10 more mins before 9pm. almost late for work (AGAIN!!!)… no taxi. so i decided to walk. the same street. the same lonely walk to work. hahay…

no taxi still… i know i’m late already. fine. like i care?!yeah, i care. day’s just… but as they say, shit happens all the time. alryt. and so, i walked some more. holding my payong. i felt like crying. one of those depressing days. i dunno.

finally, i got a taxi. peste nga taxi, gilibot pa kog pikas dalan to think duol ra ang IT Park. ugh! such a bad, bad day.

=====

enough of those BSs… well, somehow, me maganda naman nangyari sa buhay ko kahapon.got my salary. went to BDO to send some of it to my mama. the other day, Oct30, my father turned a year older. my bad i wasn’t able to call him or at least to text him that day coz i was broke. got no cent… "my money is no." he-he-he…korni!

nanakit ako bagtak cge baklay pangita VCD concert sa Platters. so anyone w/ a copy of their concert, pls… tagai ko. il buy that. no kidding. gihalughog na nko tanan music stores dnhe but hvnt seen that vcd. puro lng audio. if u wanna ask why i’m interested to getting a copy of that, gift nako sa ako papa. hehehe… i gave him last time beeGees na concert/vcd. saw he’s very happy. he told me ok na pirated, but i want wats best for my family so i don’t mind spending more to get the original copy. charing!

======

alryt… dats ol for today folks! byerz… hapi halloween… let’s get spooky…smokin’!~

ABSOLUTELY OBSOLETE! and it kinda hurts my ego, yah know…

July 30 —> @ night, I can’t sleep well. i’m excited to know how much would my salary be. i was expecting that somehow it would be more than my basic coz our PA-slash-long-overdue-bonus would be credited on my account. i was thinking that if i got an extra money, i’ll buy a new phone coz my fon’s not working that well anymore. (yah see… my fon’s NOKIA3315, manufactured last 2002)… thank GOd twasn’t 5110. if u got some time to trace cellphone history, 5110 was invented during paleolithic age. 3210 followed after. and there goes my 3315, shortly after.

C’mon guys, i deserve to buy a new fon! (deep sigh)

And so, very excited about buying a new one (preferably one with camera & mp3… gosh!), i woke up early. i went first to the bank to do "personal business." but looking at my atm receipt! darn! i was so, so, so, so, so DISAPPOINTED! i only had enough money! (i won’t disclose the amount though).but the figure showed that  i can’t buy a new fon!!!

And so, i decided to just do away with buying a new one. i ended up sweet-lemoning. yah know, thoughts like may-be-i’ll-buy-one-later-my-3315-is-doing-fine-anyway..(yah ryt!)

ok… so what i did. i decided to just do an "overhaul." i went to a cellphone accessories store. i bought a new charger (P150), and a new battery (P300). i also planned to buy a new casing, but that store did not have one. so… i went to another store only to find rubbish 3315 casings for sale! does any one still sell 3315 casing?!

very disappointed, i left the 2nd store in SM. and then i went to Gaisano in ayala. finally, i was able to find some 3315 casings (but still not so much options i had). light blue "very" ordinary casing, only for P150 with back-forward buttons that only functions as all-forward buttons… it sucks!

when i bought the casing, i was kinda hesitant to ask the saleslady if they’ve got any other style for the 3315 fon. i was afraid-slash-embarass that the saleslady might ask me, "3315?!" non-existent unit. sure, i’m proud i own one of the earliest units. may be i could have it auctioned for those interested in collecting antiques. huh?!

Absolutely obsolete! huhuhu…

——

p.s. by the way, i’m broke ryt now kht bgo ko pa lng nkuha swldo ko. out of stupidity, or (be kind to myslf) i simply forgot that i’d have to pay apartment rental. i only have Php2100 left until the next pay day. I’d have to pay Php1600 for the rental. Pls, do the math for me. It makes my heart ache!

I’m a tiny ant trapped in this complicated world
Sitting on my hill, wishing I was a cricket
For cricket, they have fun but I don’t
I see lots of ants like me
Lonely, they also want to be free
I see lots of crickets, too
Happy, and free… life is so unfair!

=====================
I’m sitting right now on my chair, looking at the monitor, waiting for the phone to beep and say… SUBP, or SAVES, or BILLING… life sucks! Or may be it’s just that I do not know how to handle things. Why not? Until now, I’m not happy with my work. The only thing that keeps me going on is money, money and most importantly, money.

Life is never easy.

Life is never easy.

Life is never easy.

Life is never easy.

Life is never easy.

Losers never win. Quitters never succeed. Ah, kakapoi ba aning kahimtanga oi! Grrrr… I wish there is an easy way to live life. Pero sympre, if you think about it, you won’t see the beauty of life if you won’t experience getting a difficult time. The paradox of life. Beauty vs. Ugliness. Happiness vs. Sadness. Yeah, talking like I knew lots of things. Pero why not? Hahay… I’m just not feeling well. That’s all.

Can’t eat… can’t sleep…can hardly breath…lots of nightmares…now, there you go… defining happiness.

(I just hope i won’t be sued for copyright infring[e]ment for having used the same title from Will Smith’s recent movie. well, i’ve used the "’i" not the "y" for happiness… liboga oi…)

it’s been like that (go back and read the first paragraph) for quite some time now. nearly over-fatigued. i’ve had my recent BP taken — 90/70. buhay pa nmn, i guess that’s not the worst case… YET! well, add to that frequent headaches and … hmm… grabeng buto-buto sa dughan. i’m losing my appetite. i no longer eat dinner coz everytime i try doing so, i feel like vomiting (DLI KO BUROS!)

i know there’s something wrong. i can’t let this go on and on.

bottomline is i’m all stressed-out! my work’s getting into my nerves. really guys, it sucks!

i’m actually thinking of quitting but that won’t be very easy. i can’t just go home and tell my parents, "hi guys! i’m back for good." that would really be very terrible. ummm… ain’t a practical decision. but what am i supposed to do? suffer? huhuhuhuhu… gapangluro na akong mga buhok… paleasssseeee…

there was even once that i went home early. nag-undertime ko. i did not take the pre-shift OT. i wasn’t feeling well. but i said maybe it’ll get by. and so i started taking in calls. i stayed for an hour. pero wla na jud nko makaya, i went to the clinic. masakit tyan ko. gabuto-buto ako dughan. i told the nurse that i need a recommendation so that i could go home. the nurse asked me what’s wrong. og sa dihang nagpakaulaw ko didto sa clinic. i cried. i told her i no longer would want to take calls. then she said, it’s not possible for her to allow me to take undertime. so i asked my TL. and off i went home. that’s a wrong move. i should have talked to a guidance counselor, not to a nurse. ambot…

i’m almost losing my sanity. someone told me to "grow up." i hope that’s easy ;(